Girls all over the country have been dreaming about their wedding days since they were little girls, myself included. Aside from daydreaming or making Pinterest boards of the big day, I’ve never actually had a dream while sleeping. Until last night.
Two things here: One, it’s nearly 5:30 in the afternoon now and the dream is so vividly clear; it’s insane. And two, I’ve never been one to remember my dreams until very recently. The last few weeks or so I’ve woken up mid-dream and they stick with me throughout the day which on another note is kind of bothering me. The reason I’m writing and the reason this is bugging me so much is because my dream wasn’t “my dream” if you get what I’m saying.
In my dreamt wedding, it all started the day before the big day. I was so unbelievably unorganized. I didn’t know where anything was, what I was doing, I was practically lost within the realm of lack of planning! It didn’t even appear that I had sent out all the wedding invites or booked reservations anywhere. I was the exact definition of a bridezilla other than the fact that an actual bridezilla is a perfectionist. Which in non-dreamland, I am.
When I saw these images of myself running around and freaking out, stressing over this wedding, I was just so subconsciously pissed at myself. My actual self watching in was like “What the fuck is your problem, get it together. This is supposed to be the time of your life with the love of your life.” It’s like anything I thought and said wasn’t reciprocated to the “bride me” and believe me that was frustrating.
The wedding itself was torture. The gown I wore was big and floofy with shoulder pads and lace in all the wrong places. I don’t know what dream me was thinking. I noticed that no one was in the pews. Not a soul. My parents, brothers, extended family, no one was there. The church was empty, no flowers or decorations. I didn’t even have a wedding party or a bouquet.
The actual wedding lasted seconds, I just saw myself walking down the aisle and then popped into the reception. Again, the reception was bleak and empty. At least my parents and brothers where there this time but that is all. I didn’t see my new husband and come to think of it my view was never pointed in the direction at the front of the aisle either. Just myself in that hideous gown, my parents, and my brothers. The reception hall was dark with a few dim-lit lights, some weird DJ was in the background playing with a ball of yarn, and I was just bawling at how horrible everything had turned out. I don’t know what happened, why no one had come to my wedding. What did I do wrong?
I guess, I just don’t know how to take this in the real world. Are dreams supposed to be resemblances of real life? Am I going to be stood up on my wedding day? Will I forget to do an obvious task like sending out wedding invites? Am I never going to get married? What does this all mean?