I Am A Social Hobbit.

Does anyone know what a social hobbit is? I’ve brought it up in random conversation over the last few years and I always get stopped mid-sentence. “Wait, what?” No matter how I explain it, you won’t get it. Some kind of made up, weird way of thinking term I’m sure you’ll conclude. A social hobbit could be someone that internalizes things. Someone that is not being social in a social setting. It could mean the crabby kid in the corner or your dad on the couch at Christmas when he doesn’t want to play a board game. In 10th grade, my best friends name was Sam. I don’t know when exactly or what was going on in our lives but at some point, sometime in that year, the term social hobbit was coined by her. History lesson of the day, folks. Spread the word.

Over the weekend, I was able to cross off one of my bucket list items: A Pub Crawl. Considering that the only time I’ve ever gone “out” since my 21st birthday three years ago had been the creeper infested dive bar in Thief River a few times – this was the Hollywood party of parties in my short lived inexperienced bar life. I guess I had gone to The Hub in Fargo and been to a few concerts but I never did the whole drink until you blackout thing. By the time I turned 21, I was out of college and barely making it paycheck to paycheck so I really didn’t have the opportunity I guess you could say but that’s a whole other story.

Anyways, it was a great time. Our goal was to reach all 10 bars on the list by 6:00 PM so naturally we started at 11:30 in the morning. Believe me, it’s nothing to brag about! I went with some co-workers and a few of them also brought friends along. I won’t bore you with the classic alcohol induced stories but I’ll chalk it up to a good experience. It really was a great time. I met new people, everyone out and about was so warm and welcoming. I’m sure that the green beer helped with the unusual amount of friendliness but nevertheless, I enjoyed it.

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I didn’t get sloshed. I started coming down with a cold on Friday so I knew that I didn’t want to go all out. I wasn’t interested in spending $100 on booze and was conscious of the fact that I was downtown on a Saturday so I wanted to be aware of my surroundings. I found myself asking my inner voice if that’s weird. Was I being overly conscious? Am I really becoming an old maid because I don’t want to live like the world is my oyster? Deep down I was worried that I’d lose my keys, wallet, and ID. I was worried that my phone would die and I wouldn’t be able to call a taxi. I was worried that I’d spend more money than I wanted to. I was worried that I’d drink until I passed out cold.

None of those things have ever happened to me so why was I so aware of it? Through reflection from my first and probably only pub crawl experience, I had to remind myself that I’m more of an observer than a participant. Although I had a wonderful time I felt like I was on the outside of this secret invisible sheet of people. It brought me back to feeling like I was the outsider that got invited to the popular kids party.

It was almost like watching the huge party scene in The Great Gatsby. You felt like you were there but you really weren’t. You were just watching it from someone else’s point of view. It’s odd isn’t it? I wonder if this is a thing; if other people think like this. In a screwed up way, this has always prevented me from truly fitting in. I’ve had so many great moments and people in my life but I’ve always overanalyzed and over-thought every single detail of every single thing.

Somewhere inside it’s actually quite amazing. My mini-me hiding deep in my thought center keeps me safe but it also limits how I act and react in a social setting. I should visit with my mom and see if she had ever noticed this when I was a child and/or how I acted when I was in groups with other children.

All in all, I think it’s pretty cool that I crossed off a bucket list item even if some people had done so within hours hitting their big 21. Even though I doubt half of the people will remember the shy girl hanging around on Saturday night; I’ll never forget any of them. Their lives remind me of those having the time of their lives. Living in the moment, loving life, and experiencing everything. Kudos to being memorable!

Are you an observer or a participant? I’d love to hear your thoughts and feedback!

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