Sulfamethoxazole.

A third stint to Altru in less then a week completed our mellow weekend. I knew everything was going to be okay. After all, he was in good hands. But I couldn’t help having an overwhelming amount of emotions flood through me on more than one occasion. It became real when they poked and prodded. Withdrew vial after vial of blood and hooked him up to the hospital staple – an IV.

Clearly I’m not as strong as I thought I was. It was routine. The doctors have years of experience, don’t they? Hey, they probably do this to everyone complaining of the same symptoms so why did I get the feeling of him dying? Why did I jump to conclusions? Why did I get images of going home alone? I saw myself giving him one last kiss and held on to him tight. I relived the fights and arguments, how pity they were. I imagined going on without moving on. All these stupid irrational fears ran through me so quickly.

Sitting at home now with him sleeping peacefully, better; I know it was silly. I know I internally overracted. Maybe it’s because he’s so solid. He doesn’t ever complain about being sick. He’s as stubborn as they come so when he needs to go to the hospital it’s real. I think back to when my dad had some kind of infection a few years ago or worse, when he was hospitalized for a heart condition when I was little; what did my mom go through? The seriousness of that. The unknown factors and what if thoughts, it had to have been torture.

IMG_5144 They never tell us how to be strong. There’s no handbook to get through life. We just have to trust..trust that He’ll never give us more than we can handle.

2 thoughts on “Sulfamethoxazole.

  1. After many, many years, I have reached the conclusion that the medical profession knows a lot about a little and a little about a lot. After all the research that is conducted, the results don’t seem to be that enormous. But, that’s what we have to depend on and, naturally, we have doubts and fears . Yes, there is no rule book, but we can, as you say, call on our common sense and faith. I truly hope you both don’t have to face this kind of situation again.

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