2015: A Year in Review

What a year, huh? I know 20-15 isn’t quite over but I’ve been thinking a lot about the past and present. I seem to dwell on it all. There are a couple words that I would use to explain year two thousand and fifteen including “adventure” and “acceptance” and “family” and “money” or “lack thereof.”

The rest of the year should go pretty smoothly though. All the gifts are under the tree, a cookie goodie exchange this weekend, binge watching Christmas shows and the icing on the cake…spending the holiday with my family. I’ve got December down pat.

I wanted to take a minute to review this year a little differently than I have in the past. Let’s start with the best part of course:

What was the best part of 2015?
The trip I took with my mom, hands down. That week traveling the mid-west blue was one of the best weeks of my life. Actually, it was the best week of my life. I can’t believe it was only 6 or so months ago. It seems like an eternity.

My mom and I hope to make this a yearly thing. I’m afraid that’ll be easier said than done due to finances but I don’t think I’ll ever lose the feeling of how wonderful it was to see things I never thought I’d see. I can’t wait for our next big adventure!

If you’d like to read about it, click here.

What was the worst part of 2015?
Frankie’s dance with death. Emotionally, physically, financially. It influenced my life, work, everything. I’m so glad we’re passed that but unfortunately, he still hasn’t been nurtured. The biggest reason I haven’t looked back into it is because I’m afraid that the same thing will happen. I wouldn’t be able to afford it and I wouldn’t be able to say “pull the plug” if it came down to that.

What else happened in 2015?
Well, we started out in a small middle of nowhere town in Minnesota and ended up in the biggest city in North Dakota. We made sacrifices but we really believe they were for the greater good in our future.

We struggled a lot financially and still are. I feel like I keep repeating that. We’re fine, we can pay our bills. We can afford a weekly movie and to go out to dinner. But because of some of the things that went down this year, our savings accounts are quickly disappearing. I have so many plans for 2016 which you’ll read in a future post and I don’t want finances to hold me back.

I hate the cycle of life that we live in. Work to live and live to work. I’m finally at the point in my life where I’m not allowing other people’s problems and excuses be excuses for me and now that I’ve come to terms with that, I’m afraid that I’m going to be the excuse because I don’t have the green. Also, Channing got his license back this year and we found out that my youngest brother and his girlfriend are expecting which is both scary and exciting!

What did you learn?
I learned that honesty isn’t always the best policy. Earlier this year, I had expressed my feelings and opinions to my brother about his girlfriend. It was eating me up inside and I knew that if I told him how I felt, there was a 50/50 chance of breaking the connection we’ve always had. Turns out, I really damaged the cord I’d been hanging on to so tightly and it hurt. Right now, we’re fine I guess. It’s kind of a non-subject like it didn’t happen as far as I can tell. I feel like since then, I save face a lot. I keep my opinions to myself because my relationship with him is more important to me than letting him know how I feel. If he is happy, I have no choice but to be happy for him. That is what matters to me, is that he is happy. I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that I don’t have to understand everything.

To be honest, I think that we’re also at different stages in our lives which may be some of the reason we’ve drifted apart. I don’t know. I just hope that time doesn’t make us strangers like it does to so many.

Final thoughts?
In 2015, I really found myself. I’m still lost within the world of my own mind but I think I’ve finally allowed myself to leave the past in the past. Live in the present and plan for the future. Not deal with other people’s bullshit and allow myself to be happy instead of just pretending and always trying to fix people.

Other than the most amazing trip ever with my mom, 20-15 was kind of uneventful. Channing and I didn’t get to really go anywhere except for Minneapolis once which was kind of a cluster but job changes, moves and finances made small weekend trips more difficult. I’m proud of who I’ve become in the last year and can’t wait for the exciting things that are in store for the next year!

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