Day 4: That palm tree life, tho.

As first time car rental people, we, for whatever reason returned our vehicle a day earlier. Actually, I know the reason. We figured it’d be easier to return it now so we don’t have to have one more thing to do at the crack of dawn tomorrow morning. We probs should have kept the rental because we may or may not have spent $65+ on Lyfts today AND we would have probably gone to more places had said Lyfts not cost so much.

But, we did have a pretty cool driver on one of the trips, her name was Yamil and she was pretty pumped that we decided to hit up In-N-Out, which by comparison is far tastier than Jack in the Box. Both, tbh, are a bit overrated but not as overrated as Chick-fil-A. Okay, that’s enough about chain restaurants.

By the way slash FYI, I think Arizona’s Phoenix-Mesa Gateway Airport only permits Lyft, not Uber, to taxi people to and from the airport. They have a monopoly of promotions in the bag claim area. I found it interesting. I didn’t bother trying to get an Uber just because I have both on my phone and figured if Lyfts bubblegum pink signage was going to be glaring at me, I should take it as a literal sign.

Damn, what a bunch of rambles! Ha!

Today was our chill day. We’re not here long and we front-loaded our trip with a lot of things in a short amount of time. The purpose of this trip was part to escape the cold and part to relax and breathe in fresh air. Because of that, we slept until we woke up and then headed to the hotel pool. The Arizona sky was a tad overcast and cooler than we both expected, I think. But we spent an hour or maybe a bit more down by the pool soaking in the rays of sunlight peeking through the clouds. We both swam and floated for awhile on this quiet Tuesday morning. It was nice.

I do wish I exuded the confidence my mom seems to have. We’ve both struggled with our weight our entire lives. Her, a little later in life than me, but still a struggle all the same. I don’t know if it’s an age thing or a feeling of security in life but she doesn’t seem to give a flying F what people think of her as a person, or even, how she looks. I mean, we all have self-esteem issues and a lot of us, women especially, struggle with our body image. My mom does too. But when it comes down to it, if she wants to go into the pool, she’ll go TF in the pool. I wish I was more like her. To say “who cares” if anyone sees you.

I, on the other hand, feel like I need to make a very strategic and well thought-out path towards the pool. Never embarrassed of my parents or others in life but always embarrassed of myself. Not only am I outside of my comfortable ‘spanx induced coma of regular clothes’ but I’m in a revealing swimsuit. My bathing suit is cute AF, not going to lie. But still not lying, it’s cuter on the bed next to a floppy hat and sunglasses than it is on me. I map out the path I’ll need to take to get into the water, scan the pool area to see what everyone is doing; I want to make sure literally everyone is preoccupied as I make my escape from sunbathing chair to the steps of the pool. I imagine myself getting up, how long it’ll take, how I’ll remove my shorts and tank exposing my swimsuit. I psychoanalyze what people will think of me or whisper to one another when they see me swimming with my big fat arms. I will not lifelessly float, belly up because #whalewatch.

I know this all sounds self-deprecating. It’s not meant to be. It’s more of a self-awareness exercise; an observation of how I view myself and assume others do to. Something I want to change.

Even with all that running through my head, I managed to get into the pool and loved it. I love the water and I love swimming. I’d swim every day if those insecurities didn’t torment my mind and emotions.

After we swam and sunbathed for awhile, we visited Hole in the Rock at Papago Park. We really didn’t know what to do today. There were loads of things I think we would have ventured to had I planned the day out a bit more and kept our rental but I think we ended up really enjoying this place.

Hole in the Rock looks “meh” from the ground but a spiraled hike up proves otherwise. The jaunt wasn’t too bad, honestly it was one of the easier ones my mom and I have done in the last couple years. Getting into the hole itself was more difficult than the climb. The view was pretty cool too. Being that high up and observing everything below really gave me a sense for how vast everything is in the world compared to what our eyes can see.

By this time, the clouds had parted from earlier in the day exposing a baby blue sky and refreshing amount of sunshine. After hanging out at the Hole in the Rock formation for a bit, we made our way back down and walked around the park, taking a break or three from being warm and a little afraid of heat exhaustion.

We found ourselves ending our trip in the park stationed on a cut down palm tree trunk fashioned into a chair. We were seated facing a pond and watched the duck families hang out and paddle their way across the cool water. We observed some people across the way getting excited about catching a few fish. We sat in quiet and peace for a bit just enjoying where we were at that moment in life.

Tomorrow we go home. This trip has been short, but it’s been good.

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