I typically do a sweet little recap titled “What I learned” after each trip. This adventure’s summary is a little different but I think it’s still legit:
PSA: The anxieties and situational depression that made itself quite comfy and at home the last few months has been all sorts of real.
Quarantine, the world falling apart, innocent people being killed and being confused on how to be the best ally.. Masks. So. Many. Masks. Working from home, feeling guilty that I even still have a job, missing my family, canceling trips, avoiding people, slacking off in all areas of life.. it’s all so real and tough and shitty.
Making a very active effort and a conscious decision daily not to allow myself to fall into that neverending pit of “poor me” isn’t easy. I’ve done a lot of good in the last five months since our lives have changed.
I taught myself how to embroider, I called my grandparents, I wrote people letters, and organized all my family photos. I spent more time with God, found a really awesome gym, and went tubing. I met people virtually, try to live life with intention, and spent time with family.
But I’ve also cried a lot and felt sorry for myself and wondered wtf is going on and why does it not feel reassuring that at least the whole world is in it together and not just me?
I haven’t been the perfect example for what to do during a pandemic. My circle of people I see physically is quite small but it’s probably larger than some people feel comfortable with. Masks make me break out and I’ll complain about it but I’ll still wear them when required and I generally just avoid stores these days. I did just cross state lines and interacted as safely (social distancing) as possible but it wasn’t always exact.
I needed to do something different though. I was more in my head than normal the last few weeks after feeling really great for about a month and in order for me to be the best version of myself for those I love, I needed a restart button. I needed to go where I feel the most at peace; nature.
Over the last week, I’ve traveled 2500+ miles further west than I’ve ever been. I went white water rafting, hiked alone at dusk (10/10 do not recommend), met some really incredible people, read a book, came face to face with a snake and almost fainted, felt the crisp Montana air breeze through my hair, and traveled down some sketchy roads that my dad might lose his mind knowing I ventured down.
If only for a short time though, I was reminded this last week that it’ll all be okay. It sometimes feels like the world is falling apart all around us and let’s be real, it kind of is but it’ll also be okay. I don’t know when and none of us have the answers right now but I think it’s okay to take a mental break, press pause, and restart.
Get out of town, or don’t. But if you’re stuck, do something about it. For the sake of your sanity and well-being, address whatever you’re feeling when you feel it. Don’t let the anxieties and sadness and wtf-is-going-on-ness control your life. Because dudes and cuties, we need you.
And for the record. I’m good, I’m cool, I’m chill. But some people aren’t. Some people don’t have the tools or people or support to pull themselves up and out of the shit cards they are dealt or the feels they are feeling.
Check on your people and thank you for reading!