Brother, Comrade, Friend.

Throughout my entire life, I’ve always considered my middle brother to be my best friend. I’ve had friends come and go throughout the years just like anyone else but a sibling can never be replaced. We can tell each other anything and everything without judgment. We quite clearly lead separate lives in separate cities with separate directions but we always have each other.
Yesterday we went on a long overdue spontaneous road trip to the cities. What for? To shop at IKEA! I’ll leave out the nauseating details of a great day with my kid brother but I was reminded of so many happy and positive things in my life while hanging out with him yesterday. He’s so down to earth and is able to ground even the most “strung out on stress” person. There’s a sense of intoxication from being able to laugh and share memories for hours and hours. Music blasting and laughing until we cry makes everything else in the world temporarily disappear. Any doubts about how shitty the slowly creeping days of our existence are moving by, slowly evaporates as soon as we are together. I think we were both reminded that we have each other. Reminiscing about the past and updating the present is proof that the future has so much to offer for both of us.

It’s so easy to build a positive character when you have someone to turn to. I need to remember to live my life in the way that I want to and not let others hold me back. If someone scowls because I’m having the time of the life, I shouldn’t be allowed to let that get to me anymore. I’ve so easily become a mummy among everyone else, putting each person I come in contact with before myself and although that’s my nature; I still deserve to live the way that makes me happy as well.  I came to a realization yesterday on why some people may not have a positive outlook about me and I intend to change that. While there are instances that I have no control over, I want people to see me for who I am; for who Nick sees me and knows me as, not the person that you think I am. I’ve pushed myself so far into the back that it was so easy for persons to develop false opinions of me. So, here goes nothing.

Niche.

So, I’ve submitted my application to the University of North Dakota. The only way I will be able to attend school in the Spring is if I am able to receive what I need for financial aid.  Obviously, I will need enough to cover tuition but I will also need to get a substantial amount to pay my everyday living expenses; primarily including my bills: rent, car insurance, cell phone, car loan, ect.  But am I able to get that? I am a little worried because when I went to NCTC, I didn’t get a check in the mail and extra money to spend.  It all happened behind the scenes; I was approved for financial aid and the institution sent the money to Northland and that was that.  I hear all the time of how students receive a lump sum and it is their duty to go and pay the tuition and the remainder is for personal expenditures which in my case will be solely bills.  I’ve just started my journey and haven’t looked into grants and scholarships yet but if (hopefully WHEN) I get accepted, than I will start from there and move forward.
I also am in the research stage of declaring a major.  I have obtained my two year Associates Degree in Liberal Arts and Sciences a few years ago and am still bummed to this day that I didn’t know what I wanted to be so I could have went on for another few years of college.  No one should be to blame but myself but I do blame some of the school advisers both in High School and College for reasons that I’ll save for another time.  My four areas of interest are Early Childhood Development, Elementary Education, Psychology, and Social Work.  Over the next few weeks and months I hope that I am able to finalize my decision because all areas are highly motivating to me.  Right now, I’m working on the statistics of salary verses job demand verses growth.  Once I have that down I will need to decide if I want to help children (Early Childhood/Elementary), Teenagers (Social Work/Psychology), or Adults (Social Work/Psychology).
In the meantime, I will be going back to a previous job as I miss and loved it there.  I will be able to spend most of my days with children and helping them to grow.  I also think that going back into the setting will help me with my decision making.  I’m very blessed and excited to get back into the swing of things!

Dear God.

Thank you for the help, love, and perseverance this week. I don’t often remember to pray thanking you for my life, friends, and family.  I don’t make the time to throw you a graceful gesture as I should.  But I know you’re there, you’ve never left.  That’s your job, you take care of us even when we least deserve it.  I have an issue with church, there are so many things that have changed in the Catholic faith that I can’t grasp.  Why do certain things change, but others not? Who decided that? Regardless of the lack of church that I attend, regardless of the prayers that aren’t sent, and the appreciation I tend to forget – I love, respect, admire, and cherish the fact that you ARE. You always have been and always will be in my heart and I know that without you, I’d probably not have made it to where I am today.
Please bless my family, friends, life, health, and love. 
Amen.
Light.

P.S. To the Angels: Please say “Hi” to Grandpa Jim, Gummie, Great Grandma Elsie, Brady, and everyone else that has been in my dreams lately.

ASL.

Because I’ve been confined to my TV-less poor apartment, I’ve discovered a new TV show on Hulu.  It’s called Switched At Birth and on ABC Family.  It’s a really great series about two girls who were literally switched at birth by mistake and grew up not knowing until age 16.  One was raised in a higher class community and the other has been deaf since a very young age due to a case of meningitis.  The most uplifting part of this show is the communication and love that everyone has for each other even if it’s hard to see at times.  I love that this show is something out of the ordinary; we are able to see a glimpse in the world of people and families who are hard of hearing or completely without.  They use American Sign Language throughout every show and as the series goes forward more and more people within the family and community also learn it to help incorporate everyone into the lives they live.  I took sign language as a Summer school class in Elementary and loved it, I loved being able to communicate without using voice.  My favorite to this day is: “I love you.”  I think I might try to find a class around the area that offers it, since I probably won’t go to Spain or France in my near future; it would be incredibly eye opening to meet and/or be around someone whose communication is primarily through hands and the reading of lips.