The Resurrection.

I’m taking a dip in the blogging atmosphere again. I contemplated to just start a brand new one and pretend this one didn’t exist but what’s the point? This blog is literary proof that the year 2012 happened. It’s a visual recollection of my memories; of my opinions and thoughts. I’ve briefly read a few of my past posts. I don’t regret a single thing I’ve said due to the fact that I’m proud of myself and for pushing through many things. Most of the things I pushed through in 2012 weren’t written down for the world to see, rather it was coded within messages in each post. Some were obvious, others were not. 
I love writing  I love expression, and I praise everyone who does so in whichever form they will. It’s March now, about four months since I’ve last written. And while I firmly stand behind anything written last year; this year I have been trying to work on a few things. There was some controversy with a select handful of biased people which ultimately led me to stop writing. Those people have one sided thoughts and refuse to see the truth in life because they’ve been lied to their entire lives. Of course, this is just my opinion but I’ve decided that those particular peoples opinions are rather useless to me. Second, I’ve been trying to become an outwardly better person. Thinking more positively hasn’t come easy and through my future posts, I’ll try to be more upfront with underlying topics. I still find that I’m a very judgmental person but in the last few months, I think before I speak. My mom pointed out a few months ago that it might be good if I tune in to my filter system. Think before you speak and if you still feel the same way after taking a second to think, than go ahead. Say it. 

Pain In The Neck.

I had my first chiropractor experience today and have decided this is going to be a long long journey. My necks been hurting since my accident and I finally went in to see what the issue was. They cracked me like crazy today and took a few X-Rays. I have no idea of the terminology but there is a disc or bone or joint?  in my neck that is rotated and it shouldn’t be. It’ll be about a month before it will be back to normal with weekly visits. On another hand, my hips are not even with the world and haven’t been since birth so through many many visits, I will be getting that fixed as well. Thank the Lord for good insurance. 

Same Love.

Macklemore is one of my favorite artists and every one of his tracks symbolize so many great things. In less than one week in Minnesotan history, many Minnesotans will be going to the voting booths to determine if we will have equality in marriage. For those of you who are voting yes or who are undecided; please read the lyrics below, watch and listen to the video, and develop a sense of acceptance. Even if (hopefully when) Minnesota passes the law for marriage equality, there will still be many hateful people against even the idea of it. Just passing the law will not keep the LGBT community “safe;” there will still be hate crimes, negative views, and nasty looks. Minnesota, please vote NO on November 6th! And to the rest of America, show love, show same love, show support. #macklemore
Also, to my fellow Minnesotans, this amazing and extremely talented team of Macklemore and Ryan Lewis will be in the cities December 1st. Be there. #theheist

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlVBg7_08n0 

“Same Love”
(with Ryan Lewis)
(feat. Mary Lambert)

When I was in the third grade I thought that I was gay

‘Cause I could draw, and my uncle was, and I kept my room straight

I told my mom tears rushing down my face
She’s like “Ben you’ve loved girls since before pre-k shrimp”
Trippin’, yeah, I guess she had a point, didn’t she?
Bunch of stereotypes all in my head.
I remember doing the math like, “yea I’m good at little league”
A preconceived idea of what it all meant
For those that liked the same sex
Had the characteristics
The right wing conservatives think it’s a decision
And you can be cured with some treatment and religion
Man made rewiring of a predisposition
Playing god, aw nah here we go
America the brave still fears what we don’t know
And god loves all his children, is somehow forgotten
But we paraphrase a book written thirty-five-hundred years ago
I don’t know

And I can’t change

Even if I tried

Even if I wanted to

I can’t change

Even if I try

Even if I wanted to

My love

My love

My love

She keeps me warm

She keeps me warm

She keeps me warm

She keeps me warm

If I was gay, I would think hip-hop hates me

Have you read the YouTube comments lately

“Man, that’s gay” gets dropped on the daily

We become so numb to what we’re saying

A culture founded from oppression

Yet we don’t have acceptance for ‘em

Call each other faggots behind the keys of a message board

A word rooted in hate, yet our genre still ignores it

Gay is synonymous with the lesser

It’s the same hate that’s caused wars from religion

Gender to skin color, the complexion of your pigment

The same fight that led people to walk outs and sit ins

It’s human rights for everybody, there is no difference!

Live on and be yourself

When I was at church they taught me something else

If you preach hate at the service those words aren’t anointed

That holy water that you soak in has been poisoned

When everyone else is more comfortable remaining voiceless

Rather than fighting for humans that have had their rights stolen

I might not be the same, but that’s not important

No freedom till we’re equal, damn right I support it

And I can’t change

Even if I tried

Even if I wanted to

My love

My love

My love

She keeps me warm

She keeps me warm

She keeps me warm

She keeps me warm

We press play, don’t press pause

Progress, march on

With the veil over our eyes

We turn our back on the cause

Till the day that my uncles can be united by law

When kids are walking ‘round the hallway plagued by pain in their heart

A world so hateful some would rather die than be who they are

And a certificate on paper isn’t gonna solve it all

But it’s a damn good place to start

No law is gonna change us

We have to change us

Whatever god we believe in

We come from the same one

Strip away the fear

Underneath it’s all the same love

About time that we raised up

And I can’t change

Even if I tried

Even if I wanted to

I can’t change

Even if I try

Even if I wanted to

My love

My love

My love

She keeps me warm

She keeps me warm

She keeps me warm

She keeps me warm

Love is patient

Love is kind

Love is patient

Love is kind

(I‘m not crying on Sundays)

Love is patient

(I‘m not crying on Sundays)

Love is kind

(I‘m not crying on Sundays)

Love is patient

(I‘m not crying on Sundays)

Love is kind

(I‘m not crying on Sundays)

Love is patient

(I‘m not crying on Sundays)

Love is kind

(I‘m not crying on Sundays)

Love is patient

Love is kind


Minnesota VOTE NO!

Since I’m a North Dakotan resident this voting season, I want to take a second to stress the importance of voting to my fellow Minnesotan people. There are so many important reasons to vote this year among one of the most important is for the presidential seat. But what’s more important on a personal level for so many Minnesotans is the equality of marriage. Love comes in so many different forms and faces. It comes to us through acts of kindness, feelings of doubt, at times when we don’t deserve it, and the most important moments in our lives. To some people marriage may just be a signature on a piece of paper signed 25 years ago but to so many of the people we see everyday that are a part of the LGBT community, marriage is a significant piece of history that wants to be embraced on the deepest level possible. Being able to marry the one person that you feel complete with shouldn’t be given the cold shoulder and shouldn’t be hated by the most bigoted of people. So please, Minnesota; vote NO on November 6th. Even if you don’t know anyone personally and haven’t seen it first hand, please show your support. I CANNOT stand seeing the people that I love and know go through another day knowing that the one thing that people look forward to when planning their lives as little boys and girls can’t be fulfilled because a few thousand people don’t want to support them. Please, VOTE NO. If not for me, do it for the future generation.
 

I’m Back.

Well, I’ve decided that since I took an unplanned hiatus, I will try not to flood the world with the craziness of the last few weeks. I’m sure that won’t happen but I thought I’d go ahead and say it. I guess I can briefly overview the blah that I’ve called my life. I don’t know where to start so I’m sure this will be full of blubber that isn’t filled in with details as I don’t to bore you any more than you’ve already been subjected to. 
On October 10th, I got into an accident and my poor Monte was totaled. I’m thankful that I was not injured aside from minor rib bruising and being sore for a few days. I have many Angels and I am beyond thankful for being watched down upon by them. The entire accident and everything that has come with it is the main reason I haven’t been blogging because I’ve been pent up with so much anger, confusion, and stress that I didn’t want to put it in words. Long story short, my claim is still open. The parents of the kid that hit ME will not let him speak to the insurance company. Oh and did I mention that he was in the hospital and threatening to sue? Why was he in the hospital, what happened you ask? Who the fuck knows. He was absolutely fine when he rammed into me and was gone before I was out of the ambulance. I understand adrenaline is running and even I myself didn’t feel the impact until later that day but what could have happened to him that he was hospitalized? Of course, I hope he’s okay but I do not by any means understand why his family refuses to let him speak to the insurance company and are threatening to sue? What are you hiding? Along with that brief summary of mess, I was out of a car and had to car shop which I may add, is NOT an enjoyable experience especially when it’s unplanned. Summarizing that gross two weeks of car shopping, I have ultimately found a new car that I love. I’m sure I’ll probably cry when I get my first car loan bill but what can you do? 
You know, I really wish I would have blogged because if I typed up everything swarming around inside of my head right now, this would end up being an entire book.
Here’s a check of my new 2011 Hyundai Elantra 🙂

Beat.

I feel amazing. I, for the first time in literally YEARS, have finished a workout video.  I’m showered and refreshed now sipping on some ice cold water.  I’ve been telling myself for years and trying to coax myself into a regime more recently than ever before and I finally did it.  I need to keep on this because I do feel good after the workout.  I did it to the best of my current ability and I know that I will improve if I stick with it and switch it out every so often.  If I can continue to push myself in doing this, I will be posting the blog portion to http://www.myfitnesspal.com rather than to this blog but for now it’ll be on here.  According to MFP, I’m still under my calories today with the exercise configured in which is good.  However, what I have eaten hasn’t been healthy in the least.  For now, I need to focus on one aspect at a time.  At the end of the video Billy Blanks says some motivational words to the viewers about perseverance and willpower. He notes that you CAN do it if you choose to.  No one else can do it for you.  I was so overwhelmed that I did start crying because even though it was a 45 minute video and I didn’t do everything exactly the way they did, I still felt good about myself.  I know that I have an enormous journey ahead of me but I pray to the Heavens that I don’t give up because I don’t see immediate results.  

Some People.

Vent fest on the dumbass of the week.  As I noted to the director I will only be at the daycare a short while, I was given just a regular teacher position rather than a Lead Teacher position which was fine by me.  I embraced it and was ready to get in and working with the kids.  The first few weeks were fine and I didn’t get little things get to me but the moron I work with who IS the Lead Teacher is over bearingly irritating.  She started two weeks prior to me coming back so she wasn’t given much training but she’s not one of those people that can’t follow direction or advice anyways.  She’s all Miss. I Have A Bachelors Degree. Yeah, in general studies because you know you would have been a shitty grade school teacher.  Miss. I Have A Fiance And Am Getting Married In A Week. Yeah, to some lanky weirdo just as off as you are – perfect match.  Miss. I Can’t Control A Fucking Toddler Room.  Yeah, because you are incapable of taking direction and have no idea what two year old are not capable of.  Rant of the year I tell you, I could go on with the misses forever.  Here’s an example of her punch me in the face moments: Her to the kids during circle time: “What characteristics to Redwood trees have?” Then she sits and stares at them waiting for them to answer.  She didn’t bother elaborating or giving an easier question.  Example of what SHOULD have been asked: “What colors are trees? Are trees big or small?”  Characteristics? Do you seriously think a two year old legitimately knows what that word is let alone a specific species of tree?  You’ve got to be shitting me.  She’s pissed me off so much the last few weeks but I’ve held my tongue so being the bitch that I am, I didn’t bother telling her that I’ll be leaving.  Jokes on her because she’s gone all next week for her damn wedding and my last day is next Friday.  I’m sure karma will bite me in the ass but my God what an exasperating individual.  She talks too much. EXAMPLE: She just got into the room and is going to tell me the number of kids and what circle time will be today. “We have 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 kids and I think that after we do potties and wash their hands that maybe we could uhm read this book here and we could sit on the circle time rug.  When we are finished than we will do art ink blots and we will do that with paint and paper.  The kids can fold the paper once I blot paint onto it.  When they are done blotting the paper than I will put it on the rack over there to dry.  After we do that I think we can let the kids play with blocks for just a little bit.” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. This is how it should have been said: “Hey, we have 9 kids so far, we’ll read this book and do ink blots for art.” Simple, yes?  Number one: She’s aware that I’ve been Lead Teacher before and that I know the process of everything.  I know what circle time is, when potties are, and what free play consists of. I am perfectly aware of how ink blot art work is done.  I pray to the Lord that I never have to come in contact with her again.  She needs to be sent to that place on the movie Idiocracy.  Fuck.