I have officially been accepted into the University of North Dakota!!!!!!! FINALLY something is going amazing for a change. Thank the Lord school doesn’t start until 2013; which should be a better year. I, of course, still have to make sure that I will be able to afford to go to school. I plan on attending full-time and having a part part-time job; so very few hours. I want to focus solely on my course work. When I went to Northland, I let my grades slide because I worked full-time at one job and part-time at another. Granted, I graduated with an Associates Degree but I do wish that I had obtained a better GPA. Cheers to a great and successful future!
So, I’ve submitted my application to the University of North Dakota. The only way I will be able to attend school in the Spring is if I am able to receive what I need for financial aid. Obviously, I will need enough to cover tuition but I will also need to get a substantial amount to pay my everyday living expenses; primarily including my bills: rent, car insurance, cell phone, car loan, ect. But am I able to get that? I am a little worried because when I went to NCTC, I didn’t get a check in the mail and extra money to spend. It all happened behind the scenes; I was approved for financial aid and the institution sent the money to Northland and that was that. I hear all the time of how students receive a lump sum and it is their duty to go and pay the tuition and the remainder is for personal expenditures which in my case will be solely bills. I’ve just started my journey and haven’t looked into grants and scholarships yet but if (hopefully WHEN) I get accepted, than I will start from there and move forward.
I also am in the research stage of declaring a major. I have obtained my two year Associates Degree in Liberal Arts and Sciences a few years ago and am still bummed to this day that I didn’t know what I wanted to be so I could have went on for another few years of college. No one should be to blame but myself but I do blame some of the school advisers both in High School and College for reasons that I’ll save for another time. My four areas of interest are Early Childhood Development, Elementary Education, Psychology, and Social Work. Over the next few weeks and months I hope that I am able to finalize my decision because all areas are highly motivating to me. Right now, I’m working on the statistics of salary verses job demand verses growth. Once I have that down I will need to decide if I want to help children (Early Childhood/Elementary), Teenagers (Social Work/Psychology), or Adults (Social Work/Psychology).
In the meantime, I will be going back to a previous job as I miss and loved it there. I will be able to spend most of my days with children and helping them to grow. I also think that going back into the setting will help me with my decision making. I’m very blessed and excited to get back into the swing of things!
Today is a new month and tomorrow is a new week. I need to get back on the wagon and start making my life worth while. I’ve been up and down, happy and sad, angry and hurt, broken and joyful. I need to stop with the erratic self pity on how bad I feel that my life is and just be better at being me. I need to start looking for a second job to keep up with a few bills, I need to stop burring myself into the computer for hours and instead pick up a book. I need to work on myself physically, which is probably the hardest part emotionally for me. I just need to get back on track. I’ve been so sad, lonely, and distant from everyone because I’m in love with someone but yet, it feels like we shouldn’t be together right now for so many reasons. What is that? Two people that want to be together, love each other, and are ready to go forward but can’t for so many unspoken reasons. It almost feels traumatic. I’m sure there are better words to explain what I feel like I’ve been going through but I can’t find them. I can’t explain how I feel; I don’t know how I feel. The only feeling I know I have for sure is love but at the same time I feel that it needs to be kept to myself because I need to work and focus on myself. I need to be happy with who I am. I try to fix and help people. I love too deeply and care too much. I push everyone else to achieve their dreams and goals; go out of my way to do things for others even if they are unseen and go unnoticed. It’s time for a change and I need to show myself the same love and gratitude that I present to others. It’s going to be a long hard road and I know I will have many doubts but I need to try. I just want to smile again, a real smile.
As most people know, New Years Resolutions are always the hardest promises to keep to ourselves. I started a New You New Year edition of resolutions in January and stuck pretty close to it for a few months. About the same time a lot of my relationship problems started arising; I found it harder and harder to keep focus on my personal goals. So yes, they are on hold for the time being. I need to get myself together, find an apartment in Grand Forks, and just get settled before I add that back into my daily routine. I wish I could incorporate it right now but there is such a high volume of things going on and needing to be taken care of that it just had to be pushed aside. Hopefully though, in the future my New You resolutions will be a way of living everyday life and not a struggle to accomplish! Here’s to pushing through the tough times!