Break.

Man, I wish life would give us all a break.  I’m blaming it on 2012.  If it’s not one thing going wrong, it’s another.  And if it’s not myself or a loved one, it’s someone around me that’s going through something tough.  We’ve just encountered the second half of a difficult journey that ever so inconveniently decided to pop up at one of the worst times.  Even though I’m scared and worried, I’m holding my head high.  Strength is something that I feel I’ve acquired more and more over the course of this year and I need to put it to good use.  Everything happens for a reason and all we can do is to let go and let God.  I need to keep my heart strong and my perseverance raving for my sake and the ones around me.

Orianah Noelle
Yesterday via mobile


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Future.

Here is a random list in no particular order of things I’m either considering majoring in, interests, and/or passions.  I hope that I can use this with you help as a tool to find my “calling.” I currently have a two-year Associates Degree in Liberal Arts and Sciences.  As of today, I do not know how many would be able to transfer as credit to UND but I am hoping that I will only have to go to school for another two and a half years.  Tops would be three.

Photography – I like everyone else LOVE photography.  I could do it all day every day.  I have general editing skills but am not as talented (editing wise) as some that I see.  But can this make a living? Probably not, as everyone and their brother thinks they are photographers.

Listening/Advice – I love to listen and I love to give advice.  With no professional experience, I do feel as if I give good advice.  It’s honest and forthright but it’s not blunt or candy coated. I’m a hypocrite just as much as the next Susie Que as I don’t always follow the good advice that I give but that’s not the gist as I don’t usually get advice because people seek me out and ask because they know that I will be brutally honest with them.

Social Work – This would be an option into the above but I have very little knowledge about the social work world.  I’m interested in learning more about it.

Psychology – This would also be an option given the listening and advice information that I provided.  I’ve always been fascinated with Psychology but I also know that I don’t want to go to school for another four years.  What kind of careers can I obtain with a bachelors in Psychology?  I feel as if I would succeed in this career path as I’m not a strongly biased person.  I obviously have my own opinions about many topics but I would treat each client with dignity and respect regardless of the issue; drug addiction, rape, abuse, vain, depressed, ect.

History – I have recently found that I do not know as much as I would like to know about the history of the world and things around me.  So this would be something I’d defiantly be interested in as a minor or take a few classes on.

Early Childhood – I love children and an early childhood degree would primarily dominate the pre-K generation of children.  But do I want to do that for a career?  What will happen when I have children? I want to be able to devote my entire self to my children and not be “worn out” from being with children all day.

Teacher/Education – I’ve always dreamed of being a teacher ever since I was in 2nd grade.  There are so many aspects I love about it, I would need a whole new blog to write in.  Teaching would be different than and Early Childhood degree as Teaching, I feel, is more structured and to the book.  Whereas an Early Childhood degree would honestly depend on the center or location at which you teach.  If I chose this route, I would need to first decide on Elementary (K-3) or Middle (K-6) Education.  Both have great potential and opportunity.

Designing – Although I’ve never had as much money as I’d like to design my own living spaces, I do find that I love decorating, re-arranging, painting, ect.  I walk into many rooms and my head just goes crazy with ideas that I have and if I had the resources I’d be able to turn every room I see into a sea of magic.  Seeing as I’ve never gotten to actually do it, is is feasible?  I would never be as visionary as the shows you see on TV but I do hold a general sense of how things should work.  Is this going to be a livable space, romantic, breezy, oceanic?  Is this something that I could work towards or is it just a dream?

English – I know that I’m not an expert on the English language but I do enjoy it and I find myself correcting grammatical errors that irritate the shit out of me.  This could go along with teaching but having said that, would I be more interested in middle school or high school?  Seeing as High School would be more interesting in retrospect, I do believe that would involve more schooling.

H.S Teacher – I just added this one as a random thought, I do love the learning years of early childhood but than with the English topic I began to think of the joy the High School world could be.  Key word there is ‘could’ as I know there are an awful lot of students that do not appreciate the education world and I think I’d be discouraged by that but would the bright scholars of each class motivate me to be an amazing teacher?

Success – Ultimately, I want to feel accomplished and successful.  I know I’m smart and that’s honestly my main issue with everything recently.  I don’t want to just get a job that anyone can get.  I WANT to go back to school and obtain a degree for myself to show myself and the world that I am as intelligent and witty as I know I am.  I want people to look up at me as a role model. When looking for a job, I want to be one of the few people that can actually apply because I meet all of the requirements.  I want to earn it, not just slip into it because I have the smarts and great interview skills.  I want to be remembered.

Passion?

I want to find something that I’m passionate about.  I need to find my calling, my passion, my desire.  If I ever had it, I’ve lost it.  I have ideas of what I want to be when I “grow up” but how to I know which path to choose?  Will it be the right path? Am I passionate about them? I don’t know. The last two weeks (not to mention last six months) I feel like I’ve thrown myself into a downward spiral.  I quit my great paying job at DK and moved back to Grand Forks.  I started a new job and started out really liking it but about three weeks ago, it was TERRIBLE for so many reasons that I don’t want to explain.  I up and quit.  I applied for college at UND for the Spring 2013 semester.  I’ve started back up at a childcare center that I used to work at last time I lived in the area but at a very low wage.  How am I supposed to pay bills? Now what?  I feel empty and without.  It’s actually and odd feeling and I’m not fond of it at all.  My next blog will be about my interests as a way to weed through my future.  I’m 22 and need to get my ass on the roll.  I want to settle down, buy a home, have a career, and family.  I want to move on from this limbo early 20-somethings shit.  It’s draining.  I didn’t live the “college experience” for what ever reason so I have nothing to grow out of.  I just want to fast forward in my dull, blah world.

To Grandma’s House We Go!

– Nightgowns – Bunny Hill – Hawks – Rail Road Short Cut – M&K Takeout – Quilts – Painting Fabric – Painting G’mas Toenails – Holly Hocks – Scrabble – Rummy – Swimming – Docks – The Fosters – Fishing with Dad – Uncle Troy – St. Marys – Pow-Wows – Guardian Lions – Guardian Angels – Weird Neighbors – Roll Out Garden – Grandma – Campbells Soup – Daisy Gardens – Crazy Dayz – Ben Franklin – 1 Cent Tootsies – Casino – Sand – Beach – Trading Post – Buoy – Big Waves – Cigarettes – Coffee – Croquet – Dressing Up – Yellow Brick Road – Pollyanna – Santa Claus – Doll Houses – Fire Crackers – Family – Life – Red – Nut Cracker – Vonnie – Donna – Madonna – VHS – Paper Dolls – Angels – Halloween – Bees – Isabella – Skinned Knees – Sidewalk Chalk – Monopoly – Potato Salad – Fudge Frosting – Jed and Joyce – Marvins – Flowers – Swimming – Unc’s Plays – Braids – Mickey Mouse – Wallpapered Doors – Black and White Tile – Dorothy – Smoke – Laughing – Flood – Crab Apples – Everything Happy
Mom, Nick. Logan, Channing, and I went up to Warroad to see Grandma Rita yesterday.  I’m so happy that we all were able to go.  I love seeing her.  Everything on the way there made me think of the best of times, so many memories, so many unforgotten things.  I was amazed at what I remembered about every little area of the town.  Just being at Grandmas made my entire week, I wish we all didn’t live so far away.

To The Heros.

Just wanted to pop in and show a little appreciation for the people that follow my writing.  The people that compliment it and bash it down; I want to say thank you. Everyone is entitled to an opinion and even though I can be hard headed at times and stick to my guns, I do like to hear opinions and other views.  I know that I don’t have much to say and at times I get off on tangents about how terrible I feel like my life has been but it means more the brightest star in the universe to hear that people actually pay attention.  They get it, they understand, they read, and they support.  That’s what I love about the freedom of speech and will; it’s still out there.  I’ve been in a slump and really bad place for some time now and I’m determined to pull myself out of this gutter. To be quite honest, it’s pathetic. I can’t STAND people that sit in a little hole in the ground whining about the life they’ve chosen or the cards they were dealt.  But what am I doing? I’m a hypocrite at the very least.  I need to pull my head out of my ass and go back to being me, being Ori.  The Ori that I grew up with and am proud of is fun, carefree, silly.  I am lovable, compassionate, and full of hopes and dreams so why not continue that life?  So what if I’ve pressed pause longer normal; I’m young and I need to cherish that.  I need to work on myself, my goals, and my aspirations.  I want to inspire people, I want to be proud of myself, and most of all I want to be happy again.  Thank you again to the many people who have believed in me before I could believe in myself.  Lets do this!