I want to find something that I’m passionate about. I need to find my calling, my passion, my desire. If I ever had it, I’ve lost it. I have ideas of what I want to be when I “grow up” but how to I know which path to choose? Will it be the right path? Am I passionate about them? I don’t know. The last two weeks (not to mention last six months) I feel like I’ve thrown myself into a downward spiral. I quit my great paying job at DK and moved back to Grand Forks. I started a new job and started out really liking it but about three weeks ago, it was TERRIBLE for so many reasons that I don’t want to explain. I up and quit. I applied for college at UND for the Spring 2013 semester. I’ve started back up at a childcare center that I used to work at last time I lived in the area but at a very low wage. How am I supposed to pay bills? Now what? I feel empty and without. It’s actually and odd feeling and I’m not fond of it at all. My next blog will be about my interests as a way to weed through my future. I’m 22 and need to get my ass on the roll. I want to settle down, buy a home, have a career, and family. I want to move on from this limbo early 20-somethings shit. It’s draining. I didn’t live the “college experience” for what ever reason so I have nothing to grow out of. I just want to fast forward in my dull, blah world.
So, I’ve submitted my application to the University of North Dakota. The only way I will be able to attend school in the Spring is if I am able to receive what I need for financial aid. Obviously, I will need enough to cover tuition but I will also need to get a substantial amount to pay my everyday living expenses; primarily including my bills: rent, car insurance, cell phone, car loan, ect. But am I able to get that? I am a little worried because when I went to NCTC, I didn’t get a check in the mail and extra money to spend. It all happened behind the scenes; I was approved for financial aid and the institution sent the money to Northland and that was that. I hear all the time of how students receive a lump sum and it is their duty to go and pay the tuition and the remainder is for personal expenditures which in my case will be solely bills. I’ve just started my journey and haven’t looked into grants and scholarships yet but if (hopefully WHEN) I get accepted, than I will start from there and move forward.
I also am in the research stage of declaring a major. I have obtained my two year Associates Degree in Liberal Arts and Sciences a few years ago and am still bummed to this day that I didn’t know what I wanted to be so I could have went on for another few years of college. No one should be to blame but myself but I do blame some of the school advisers both in High School and College for reasons that I’ll save for another time. My four areas of interest are Early Childhood Development, Elementary Education, Psychology, and Social Work. Over the next few weeks and months I hope that I am able to finalize my decision because all areas are highly motivating to me. Right now, I’m working on the statistics of salary verses job demand verses growth. Once I have that down I will need to decide if I want to help children (Early Childhood/Elementary), Teenagers (Social Work/Psychology), or Adults (Social Work/Psychology).
In the meantime, I will be going back to a previous job as I miss and loved it there. I will be able to spend most of my days with children and helping them to grow. I also think that going back into the setting will help me with my decision making. I’m very blessed and excited to get back into the swing of things!
Alright, I lied. Tomorrow sometimes in my head might mean a week from now, so I apologize for not writing sooner. A few “everyday regulars” will be changing in my life soon. I’ve accepted a new job in a new town with new people to surround myself with. I’m officially moving back to Grand Forks, pretty excited! The main reason I’m up and leaving is due to some issues with my past posts over the last six weeks or so. Certain things are still being discussed and areas of the relationship world are progressing in a positive manner but with everything that happened; I took it as a sign to change something in my life. With that said, I loved Grand Forks when I lived there a little over a year ago and I don’t see why I shouldn’t go back. If the other areas of my life, mainly my love life, are meant to be; than they will be. I do have a great job here in Thief River and have been more than blessed to progress as far as I have but I don’t want to be another person working here. It’s just like when you go to Roseau and someone works at Polaris or Warroad and Marvins. They are plenty fine places to build a life around but I don’t like to blend in with everyone else. I don’t want to make good money by becoming a robot. I don’t want to go to my 10-year reunion and say that I’m still “stuck” in Thief River. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been blessed with wonderful opportunities here but this isn’t where I see myself for the rest of my life. I start my new journey on May 22nd and am both excited and scared! I feel that I will do well because I do put my best foot forward in most everything that I do. They last step in this process is to find an apartment that I can afford. I’ll be going for round two this coming Thursday so wish me luck!
|I actually used to live in the far left building when I first moved to GFunk.|