Getting Things Done

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a total couch potato. When it comes to my personal (non-work) life; I’m perfectly content hanging out at home every evening catching up on the latest shows, surfing the internet, or reading. This usually means that I procrastinate at getting things done that need to get done.

This will probably sound absolutely absurd to those that do stuff every day, all the time but for me, what I’m about to say is a pretty big deal.

Today I woke up early. Woah, what! I made healthy food choices all day and cooked all of our meals. I “fall-cleaned” which included the dishes, laundry, sweeping, PUTTING MY CLOTHES AWAY and a few other random things that I put off every week.

I went grocery shopping, balanced my checkbook, got Frank some new toys. Which means that of course, I made some time to play with the cutest kitty in the world. I went for a walk, edited photos for a couple of hours, and now I’m here writing this.

Successfull day in the books if you ask me. The only thing I didn’t do was sit in front of the TV for hours. I think I watched whatever Channing was watching when I ate my breakfast but other than that; I totally accepted my boost of energy and took advantage of it.

I wish I could get things done like this every day but most days I just want to vege. Since I’m already working on getting healthier, I plan to for sure keep the walk thing a top priority. I used to be much more on top of things but I think with 2 big moves in less than a year and a busy summer of going going going; it took a toll on the organizing and prioritizing portion of my brain. It feels good to be in control.

Time for bed. I’m exhausted.

Is It Too Late?

Noticing that there are a few people in my peripheral life that are getting engaged, planning weddings, and having babies..it’s gotten me thinking. Again. I came to a very very sad realization that I won’t have the same exciting joys that they have due in part to my social circle or lack there of.

Getting married involves bridesmaids which usually include best friends and sisters, stuff like that. Planning a bridal shower, bachelorette party, spa days, dress shopping, ect. Having a baby; same thing. Best girl friends, sisters, family, and so on. A maid of honor helps plan everything. It’s one of the happiest times of your life. Your closest friend or sister throws you a beautiful baby shower.

That’s where I fall short. I don’t have that. I just don’t. The last time I had a best girl friend was in 11th grade. And my last best friend (whom of which was male) was probably four years ago. I’ve unintentionally secluded myself from the public eye of friendshiphood. Now, every time I enter a social situation, I feel awkward.

I’ve always had a tough time finding my “spot” in social circles. My peak was between ages 16 and 20. I had friends galore and was open and fun and happy. Looking back, that time in my life quickly plateaued and continuously spiraled down. There are many reasons. One of the most prominent was the period of time where my friends and I were. We went separate ways after high school. Different interests lead us into different directions. Then in college, I didn’t make a point of making many friends during the day because I already had my group of friends from work, whom of which ultimately didn’t go to college but decided to be couch surfers and content with minimum wage jobs for the next 5 years. I wish I had known this ahead of time. I love them and I cherish the memories I had with them but those kinds of friendships quickly become dead ends.

I wanted more so I did more. I moved to different cities. I got better jobs. But in order to do that I left people behind and even though it’s more of an excuse than a reason…time passed. Memories faded. People moved on. For being the 21st century, it’s not as easy to keep in touch as one might imagine. There are so many people I know that still keep in touch with high school pals or college roommates. Friends from old jobs and places in time. But not me.

I have rarely “cut ties” due to disagreements or fights. I don’t really think I’ve ever “broken up” with a friend. Things just…changed. And that brings me to where I currently am. Socially awkward and unable to make friends, I guess. I talk to people daily. I laugh, joke around, have a good time but that doesn’t mean I fit in. In each setting I constantly feel like the goose out of the flock of ducks. I just don’t fit in.

The older I get (yes I know, I’m only 24 but seriously consider it) the harder it is to make new friendships. I don’t live the college lifestyle where you meet people everywhere you turn. I don’t live the bar lifestyle where you can meet someone at the door and party the night away. I don’t meet moms at the park because I don’t have children. I don’t go to coffee shops because coffee is gross. I go to work and I come home. I go to the grocery store once a week. My hobbies include reading and doing artsy craft projects – all of which don’t involve leaving the house.

I don’t mean to be an introverted shut in, I love people. I yearn for a deep meaningful friendship. I want to go to the store with a friend and just walk around. I want to have a girls weekend and a spa day. I want to be the first one someone calls when something amazing (or terrible) happens. I want that. But I don’t have it and I don’t know where or how to get it.

I know it’s probably pity sounding but it makes me sad. It really does. I won’t have that baby shower you dream about through Pinterst boards. I won’t know the fun and memories a bachelorette party entails. I won’t have someone to call. I won’t have someone to share my deepest darkest secrets with. I won’t be that person either. I won’t be the shoulder to cry on or the maid of honor. I won’t have that “bond” that everyone should have.

Is it too late?

I Bought Shoes Instead Of Booze.

Last night a group of co-workers went to a local bar for some drinks and music. I heard it was a great time. I would have loved to go but I didn’t. Mainly because I didn’t want to spend the $25 or more on a taxi there and back, $7 on a cover charge, and who knows how much on drinks. And besides, I didn’t want to feel like shit today.

Although I’m ultimately glad that I chose to stay home, it bums me out. Am I that much of a loser? I’m only 24, am I acting like an old hag? Am I cheap? I mean, I wanted to go. I like my co-workers (most of them anyways) and it would have been hella fun but I didn’t want to waste my money on it.

Instead of dwelling on what I didn’t do, I went to Payless and bought some shoes. Good compromise? I think so. Although I missed out on some memories that were made, at least I have shoes to show for my money rather than a hangover. Right?