Sunday Drive.

I did a lot of driving today. I hate driving. I needed to get out of the house. I’ve only worked 5 out of the last 14 days because I needed to use some vacation time since I’m not accruing it anymore. Unfortunately, it was kind of a last minute decision and I didn’t really make any plans to do anything. I thought I’d be content hanging out at home and diving into Netflix full force – which was fine for awhile. I don’t know. Cooped up all day when it’s freezing outside gets me thinking and nothing I thought about was very positive.

2015-01-04 14.07.05I kept thinking about our recent decisions that landed us to where we are. Was it a mistake? Why did we decide to come here? All that pity party jazz. So, I decided to bundle up for the 15 below zero [who knows what the windchill is] weather. I popped in Taylor and just drove. I drove and stopped to take pictures. I took my time. I don’t think I’d ever been passed so many times in my life! I guess that’s my fault – 30 in a 55 probably isn’t legal.

It was a refreshing drive. Although I still don’t know if we made the “right” choice by moving here, I felt better after getting out of the apartment for awhile. My mom told me to enjoy every single minute of every single day as much as possible. I really should take her advice more often. Moms always know best.

Today, I fully enjoyed the two hours I spent singing to Taylor Swift as loud as the radio would go. I enjoyed driving like a tourist in Bemidji admiring the beautiful homes and scenery. I enjoyed pulling over and baring the cold air for a good picture. I enjoyed driving even though I hate it.

I also decided that I’m going to look into a few things over the next year. I love photography. I’m no expert and I don’t even know if I’m any good at it in the terms of being a “photographer.” But I do know that it’s my meditation. It makes me happy and it helps me capture beauty the way I see it. It helps me to tell a story that I have no words for.

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So, I want to spend a little money and send some of my favorites to get printed on a larger scale to see how they look. I’ve only ever printed small scale stuff but it’d be really cool to sell my photos down the line and if they don’t print well now, I need to teach myself how to take photos that will print well.

Second, I’ve wanted to write a book for as long as I can remember but I don’t know what exactly I’d write about. After venturing to a few bookstores in the last few weeks I’ve seen a lot of imagery themed books. I would probably refer to them as table top books. I’m sure some in the literary world wouldn’t consider the title of “author” to be an accurate definition of the books creators but it’d be a great way for me to combine my images with some small passages. I don’t know, just a thought. But my plan would be to gather 50 or 60 photos that I’ve taken and pair them somehow with text. I used to work with a gal that has published a book of her own and I’d probably ask her advice once I gather some material together.

Thanks mom for getting me thinking. You really are the best. I took these pictures today with you in mind.

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Time Does Not Pass, It Continues.

IMG_5033Sitting in the only comfortable chair and table combo in the history of Subway, downtown Grand Forks – I feel like writing. This is the perfect spot to bring a laptop, listen to Americas top 100, smell the fresh aroma that Subway is famous for, and just write. But I have nothing to write about.

I’ve been up to nothing new. Just work and usual day to day stuff. I’m still trying to push myself to the gym. I signed up last week and haven’t set foot inside. I went to the trouble of signing up and buying new gym shoes. I bought another shipment of Shakeology (still unopened) and a good set of vitamins. I’m ready, I’m geared up! Time to tie the shoes and hit the road. So what’s in the way? Me. It’s always me. I hold myself back.

IMG_5026On another more positive front, my brothers graduation cards are now ordered! I wish I could do this stuff for a living. Photography, editing, announcements, ect. Of course I cheated and used Shutterfly for the layout but if I had known how to properly use the correct software, I would have loved to try with an empty sheet and create my own thought up masterpiece.

It’s crazy to think that the youngest in our family of 5 is graduating in 52 short days. What does that even mean?

It means my mom has been done with diapers for nearly 16 years. It means my parents are old enough to be grandparents and everyone is able to drive. It means the art projects are old and tattered. It means the refrigerator picture magnets are full of 90’s hairstyles. My baby brother graduating high school means we’re all adults. It means I’m 24 and that he’s not really a baby anymore. It means another chapter is ending and 30 more are beginning.

“No matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away.” ― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

Its just a day in a month in a year in a decade. It’s a day that not everyone is fortunate enough to get to. It’s a struggle for some and a breeze for others. It’s truly a milestone. I can’t believe the kid who got a grass stain on his white blonde head is the same kid that’s going to be wearing that black square-shaped cap. The kid that broke his arm, had rods jabbed into it, let it heal, and then broke it again. The kid that I can’t stand but love to death. The “baby.” He’s graduating!

I still remember my first day of kindergarten and getting lost on my way, switching school buses. I remember throwing up on a girl named Mary and playing marbles on the track during recess. I remember making tunnels on the snow hills and Hawk Boy in Warroad. I remember getting out of school to sandbag for the flood and being the new kid in Newfolden. I remember it all like it was yesterday. Are we dreaming or does time really fly by that damn fast?

“There are those of us who learn to live completely in the moment. For such people the past vanishes and the future loses meaning. There is only the present, which means that two of the three Aalim¹ are surplus to requirements. And then there are those of us who are trapped in yesterdays, in the memory of a lost love, or a childhood home, or a dreadful crime. And some people live only for a better tomorrow; for them the past ceases to exist” ― Salman Rushdie

I guess I did have something to write about after all.


¹Aalim – u·le·ma or u·la·ma  (o̅o̅′lə-mä′) – pl.n. Ulama, also spelled ulema, refers to the educated class of Muslim legal scholars engaged in the several fields of Islamic studies and Polymath. They are well versed in legal fiqh and are considered the arbiters of sharia law, being Islamic lawyers.