Saying Goodbye to Bad Feels.

I was going to write about my feelings again. My angry feels but I decided to delete that and just arrange a list of words to describe one particular thing in my life that I feel I cannot change. The list is in no particular order and is as follows: Anger. Taunt. Strangle. Mannerisms. Overwhelming. Stalking. Irritation. Hate. Know-It-All. Arrogance. Annoyance. Resentment. Suffocating. Trouble. Failure. Smothering.

These all describe a happening in my life that gives me daily stress. I can’t change it. Although, I suppose if I try, I could suppress it but I feel like that’s detrimental to the brain. I just wish I could express how I truly feel without appearing as if I’ve totally gone off the deep end. But this is the last post (hopefully) that I vent about it.

To compensate for this negativity; I’ve taken a little advice from my mom. Kinda. She suggested to sweat out some of this negative through activity. Most of this week, I’ve gotten in more activity than I have in quite some time and I feel great about it.

It doesn’t necessarily eliminate this spot of blackness in my day but it pushes it to the side a little. I’ve decided that the frustration and stress that I’ve been allowing myself to feel isn’t worth it and the person making feel this way doesn’t deserve my time or energy. And karmas supposedly a bitch so what goes around will come around. Which goes both ways, my negative feelings aren’t helping my karma auras any.

This week I’ve been making a point to steer clear of the individual in question and only listening slash providing feedback when necessary. Any kind of communication otherwise goes in one ear and out the other. Hopefully they’ll get the hint and go away.

Ohm.

She Got Her Wings.

So much can happen in one year. Some enter this world and some exit. Families are formed and families are torn apart. People are forgiven and people are damaged. Some die and some are born. We travel and we get snowed in. We fall and sometimes we get back up. We change jobs, we move to new cities, and sometimes..we sit still. Sometimes life happens so quickly and days turn into weeks that turn into months that turn into years. Before you know it, you can’t even remember the last conversation you had with someone because of life.

And at the very exact same time that “life” is happening, it doesn’t. Life isn’t easy, I don’t think it was designed to be easy. Everyone will hit a rough patch or twenty. Some will suffer throughout their childhood. Some as young adults. Some won’t even suffer until they’ve hit the peak mid-life crisis stage of life. But it happens to the best of us.

Truly..to the best of us.

One year ago today, an old friend passed away. I call her an old friend not because of our age but because of life. Life got in the way from seeing each other often. Life got in the way who’s who and what’s what. Life got in the way of appreciating the goodness, the memories, the time.

And death? Well, sadly, death brought us back together. We don’t often think about everyone that has made an impact on our lives every single day because there’s still time. There will always be time to run into them at Wal-mart or catch up at class reunions. There will be time, especially when you’re 23.

That’s where I was wrong. This last year I’ve really tried to work on finding out who the hell I am. What I stand for. Who and what I love. I’ve tried to humble myself (it isn’t easy) and I’ve tried to be a more empathetic person (definitely not easy). I’ve tried to improve myself because of one person and that person is Aron.

Now, I wasn’t best friends with her. I didn’t keep in touch like I should have. I didn’t know what she was doing in her day to day life but I knew one thing. Time didn’t change her heart. It may have changed her life but it didn’t change her heart. It wouldn’t have mattered if 2 years had gone by or 20, she still would have come right up to you with a hug and a smile and ask what the hell you’ve been up to.

Man, I wish I could be like her. I wish that I could find the best in people and care as much as she did. I wish that she was still here and I could make a valiant effort to reconnect with her. I wish that her family could squeeze her too tight just one more time. I wish that holes weren’t created in hearts the day she died.

One year ago today, an old friend passed away. So much can happen in one year. Some enter this world and some exit. And some..well they are with us every day. We all miss you, Aron. Keep us on our toes will ya? I hope those wings fit you just right.

I’ve mentioned Aron in a couple posts throughout the last year. I’ve posted them below for Elaine, Melissa, and Austin. Sending the biggest hugs I can muster up your way today.

10/17/2013:
We Shouldn’t Have To Say Goodbye Yet
10/22/2013:
I Want To Be A Better Person
1/8/2014:
Heavy Hearts & Open Arms
4/4/2014:
Does Heaven Have DQ Ice Cream Cake?
8/14/2014:
Genie, You’re Free