Is It Too Late?

Noticing that there are a few people in my peripheral life that are getting engaged, planning weddings, and having babies..it’s gotten me thinking. Again. I came to a very very sad realization that I won’t have the same exciting joys that they have due in part to my social circle or lack there of.

Getting married involves bridesmaids which usually include best friends and sisters, stuff like that. Planning a bridal shower, bachelorette party, spa days, dress shopping, ect. Having a baby; same thing. Best girl friends, sisters, family, and so on. A maid of honor helps plan everything. It’s one of the happiest times of your life. Your closest friend or sister throws you a beautiful baby shower.

That’s where I fall short. I don’t have that. I just don’t. The last time I had a best girl friend was in 11th grade. And my last best friend (whom of which was male) was probably four years ago. I’ve unintentionally secluded myself from the public eye of friendshiphood. Now, every time I enter a social situation, I feel awkward.

I’ve always had a tough time finding my “spot” in social circles. My peak was between ages 16 and 20. I had friends galore and was open and fun and happy. Looking back, that time in my life quickly plateaued and continuously spiraled down. There are many reasons. One of the most prominent was the period of time where my friends and I were. We went separate ways after high school. Different interests lead us into different directions. Then in college, I didn’t make a point of making many friends during the day because I already had my group of friends from work, whom of which ultimately didn’t go to college but decided to be couch surfers and content with minimum wage jobs for the next 5 years. I wish I had known this ahead of time. I love them and I cherish the memories I had with them but those kinds of friendships quickly become dead ends.

I wanted more so I did more. I moved to different cities. I got better jobs. But in order to do that I left people behind and even though it’s more of an excuse than a reason…time passed. Memories faded. People moved on. For being the 21st century, it’s not as easy to keep in touch as one might imagine. There are so many people I know that still keep in touch with high school pals or college roommates. Friends from old jobs and places in time. But not me.

I have rarely “cut ties” due to disagreements or fights. I don’t really think I’ve ever “broken up” with a friend. Things just…changed. And that brings me to where I currently am. Socially awkward and unable to make friends, I guess. I talk to people daily. I laugh, joke around, have a good time but that doesn’t mean I fit in. In each setting I constantly feel like the goose out of the flock of ducks. I just don’t fit in.

The older I get (yes I know, I’m only 24 but seriously consider it) the harder it is to make new friendships. I don’t live the college lifestyle where you meet people everywhere you turn. I don’t live the bar lifestyle where you can meet someone at the door and party the night away. I don’t meet moms at the park because I don’t have children. I don’t go to coffee shops because coffee is gross. I go to work and I come home. I go to the grocery store once a week. My hobbies include reading and doing artsy craft projects – all of which don’t involve leaving the house.

I don’t mean to be an introverted shut in, I love people. I yearn for a deep meaningful friendship. I want to go to the store with a friend and just walk around. I want to have a girls weekend and a spa day. I want to be the first one someone calls when something amazing (or terrible) happens. I want that. But I don’t have it and I don’t know where or how to get it.

I know it’s probably pity sounding but it makes me sad. It really does. I won’t have that baby shower you dream about through Pinterst boards. I won’t know the fun and memories a bachelorette party entails. I won’t have someone to call. I won’t have someone to share my deepest darkest secrets with. I won’t be that person either. I won’t be the shoulder to cry on or the maid of honor. I won’t have that “bond” that everyone should have.

Is it too late?

Bossy And Proud.

Maybe it’s new lingo on the playground but no one had ever called me “bossy” while doing my thing on the swing-set. And if they had, who gives a shit? I know I’m only speaking from personal experience but there were many times in my school days from 4th grade to 7th to 10th to college that I’ve been given a leadership opportunity and I went with it. I never feared being called bossy or having people make fun of me. Hell, I was already being teased for my weight, red hair, dumb last name, and Harry Potter glasses – one more word would have just added go-getting fuel to the fire.

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I think we are dealing with an overly sensitive group of women rather than leaders here. True leaders aren’t going to give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of them and if they do than their parents need to reassess how they raise their daughters. It’s not new news that we live in a mans world.

I have a great sense of pride for the strides that the woman have made since the housewives generation in the early 20th century. The only way that we as women have even gotten this far is because we are bossy not because we crossed our legs when we curtsied. So why is bossy labeled such a bad word?

Eliminate bossy from our vocabulary and women won’t have anything to prove to people. They won’t have to prove that being a leader will get you places in life. And really, lets take a man in comparison: A lot of the boys and men that I have come across in the last 15 years that are leaders are very overbearing (ahem, another word for bossy) and can sometimes be royal douche-bags but they are successful. They aren’t successful on just a pretty face and a nice haircut.

“We call girls bossy on the playground,” Sandberg said. “We call them too aggressive or other B-words in the workplace. They’re bossy as little girls, and then they’re aggressive, political, shrill, too ambitious as women.”

This really is frustrating. Does she hear what she is saying? Newsflash: Men and boys are also called too aggressive on the playground when they push or punch someone. They are called assholes or dicks in the workplace when they lack sensitivity. They are called immature when they draw penis’ on their car windows.

I’m not trying to “stick up for” the man. I’m simply pointing out the idiocy of the “Bossy Ban.” Why are these leading women trying to ban words to make them feel better when they tried so damn hard to be treated equally?

“Leadership is not bullying and leadership is not aggression,” Sandberg said. “Leadership is the expectation that you can use your voice for good. That you can make the world a better place.”

So lets do just that. I was called fat, ugly, snotty, 4-eyes, and bossy among many other words over the last 24 years but I’m not going to petition to have those words banned because not only did they make me who I am today but they [those words and the people that said them] forced me to stand up for myself and to actually take a stand. The people that are going to call names will always be bullies regardless of word or no word. They will just tear you down in another forum. Get used to it. If we don’t, than we’re going to be raising a generation of pansies not leaders.

What’s your stance? Lets here it.