My Motivation.

Don’t roll your eyes or anything but I’ve been thinking about joining a gym again. I don’t have any master plan other than a potential regular schedule in compared to my unorganized life that I’ve accepted over the last year and a half or so.

Since my other half will be starting his new job soon and we’ll still be carpooling; we’ll both have the opportunity to have a little more consistency than we are used to. The only “downfall” I foresee is that his starting time is 5:00 AM. Holy shit right? But instead of taking that as a negative; I’d like to pull a 360 and consider it a positive. It’s not like I’ll have the option to sleep in since we share a vehicle. I’ll already have to be up and driven across town before the sun is up. By the time I get home; I can’t really see myself going back to bed for another hour. Once I’m up, I usually stay up so why not take advantage of it? We’ll probably be going to bed earlier considering the job change so it shouldn’t be difficult to make a routine of dropping him off, going to the gym, and starting my day. By the time work starts at 8; I would have gotten the “not so fun” stuff out of the way already and I probably would actually make time for breakfast.

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Camping In Warroad.

All that sounds like a wonderful idea but can I do it? Thanks to the go-getting motivating people that I’ve come across, I know that the answer is yes as long as you make a point to do it. Make a point to be motivated and go to the gym. Make a point of exercising and eating breakfast. I’ll call Anytime Fitness tomorrow and we’ll go from there. I already re-ordered my Shakelogy last week so that should be coming soon. I have a few things in the near future that if I think about them, can give me motivation:

My brothers graduation in May. For the 3rd time in 6 years have some extended family coming up. I’ll also be going to my old high school where I know I’ll see some people that I graduated with. I’m over half way to my 10 year reunion and don’t want to be the person that already went downhill and doesn’t have getting married or having kids to blame. I want to look good, damnit.

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The Brewster Clan.

Family vacation in June. We’ll be going on a camping vacation at the end of June with my family, aunts, uncles, and cousins. We’ll be swimming and walking, canoeing, and sunbathing. I don’t want to let how I feel about myself prevent me from enjoying my time. I want to be a part of the photographic memories and not just the person taking the pictures to avoid the other side of the camera. I want to feel fit so that I don’t get winded walking on trails.

 

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Our anniversary in July. We’ll be coming up on 6 years and even though I know my other half loves me no matter what; I do want him to have some beautiful arm candy on the celebration of 72 months. So often couples fall into a boring ol’ routine after being together for a long time and we never dress up or go out much anymore. One of the hidden reasons that I don’t actively offer fun nights out is because I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin.

School. I’ve been thinking about it as mentioned in a previous post and although I might gear myself more towards the online studies to begin with; I would like to attend night school and not that I have to look good for anyone; I still want to feel good about myself and look nice. I want to feel comfortable sitting next to anyone in class or choosing a partner for a project. I want to know that I can confidently walk up to someone and strike a conversation. This whole “no friends” thing is caused by me feeling like a gross giant next to anyone that I’m around so I pull the shy quiet card rather than the fun, talkative person that I know I’ve lost touch with.

So, it might not seem much but I’m going to use those to give me motivation. To help me drive the extra block to the gym and make my shake in the mornings. I’m going to use that to pack my lunch instead of grabbing McDonalds durning the noon hour. I’m going to do this and I’m going to do this right.

What gets you motivated? I would love to hear from someone that has been overweight and overcome it. How they found motivation or what clicked inside their heads to get them going? Although I appreciate and accept any and all motivating words; I often find it difficult to take advice from someone that had always been thin but wasn’t happy with the lack of muscle they had or something. It’s difficult for me to relate when they haven’t gone through the same pain and disappointment in myself that I have. So, are you out there? I’d love to hear from you!

The Last 7 Days.

Switching gears and onto a more uplifting note, I’m continuing to be a do-er in twenty-fourteen. Writing the last post in an honest form and actually publishing it makes me feel good. I’ve personally kept diaries about my weight struggles for years but I’ve never displayed it for anyone to see. This is the direction that I was hoping to face for my blog. Truth. I’m done candy coating my life and putting a film over it. Although I might not have many people that care to be invested to this blog, it’s about me. No one else.

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I got quite a bit accomplished this past week and weekend. It’s not like I went bungie jumping or anything but I finished editing my brothers senior pictures and brought them home for him to see yesterday. I visited my mom and we visited Channing’s parents too. I closed a big project at work which obviously I had to do regardless but I really felt accomplished after successfully doing so. I finished yet another scarf on Friday. I finally took down the rest of the Christmas decor and tree, rearranged the living room about five times, and went on a date with the love of my life.

It’s been a good day and another great week to add to twenty-fourteen. Here’s to many more! Stay positive guys and gals. Find something good to be happy about even if it seems miniscule. Fake a smile if you need to but always remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel as long as you’re willing to reach for it.

A Blizzard In The Forecast.

It’s going to take some getting used to; to blog every day but I’m up for the challenge. It’s not that I didn’t want to tonight but I’ve been so busy this week and the minutes, hours, and days just fly by. I’d much rather have continued laying on the couch watching 20/20 like a lump of sugar than turning on the computer. But I did it anyways.

I pushed through pure, selfish laziness to write because that was my goal. My goal to dig into my deep creativity pockets. Find a lint ball or two of whimsical paragraphs just so I can criticize it and edit it three days from now. That’s what goals are for though, aren’t they? To try and try again?

Fridays are the busiest days in the life of Ori. I try to embrace it though. I think it’s exciting to be doing something all the time. One thing after another overlapping throughout the day is a challenge and I chase after challenge in my career. It makes me work harder and more efficiently. Definitely a good life lesson and learning tool for those that are up for it.

Anyways, I bought some more yarn  after work today and intend on  making a dent in my spools this  weekend considering I plan on  being snowed in until Sunday given  the weather forecast.

I’ve been trying to decide what I’ve done today that’s different from the day before and nothing really is popping out but I’m making sure to be more aware. More aware of the people and things that go on around me. All too often I find myself getting frustrated at small things that don’t hold enough energy to make a fuss over. I’ll have to admit that it might be a tish of a perfectionist problem. I’m so used to everything being the specific perfect way that I do it. No exceptions. Maybe it’s a mix of that and OCD. Who knows.

Nevertheless, I made a point of being more aware of others. Reading facial expressions and the tone of their voice. I did more for people than I usually would simply because I was capable of doing so. To be honest but not arrogant, I usually do feel that I go out of my way to exercise my ability to help out everyone around me but when I’m rushed on time or stressed out about this or that, that instinct ability to assist, blurs.

It’s a good feeling though, going out of your way to help more and do more than expected. It makes a person feel reassured in the spot or area of their lives that they are in.

Another goal added my ongoing list (this for some reason reminds me of Dumbledores Army and the parchment it was written on) is to appreciate my loved ones on a more deeper level. I love my family, we all have a great relationship with one another and I’d do absolutely anything for every single one of them but I often feel that I should be present on a more frequent basis. Visit my grandparents, bring my mom out to dinner and a movie, or see how my dad’s travels are going more often than I do.

I encourage everyone reading this to be more aware of their surroundings especially in a time of fret or hassle. Breathe before you stress out. Think before you talk. And most importantly know that this too shall pass.

Thirsty Thursday.

Thirsty for water. The second day of the new year kind of feels just the same as the Thursday before. It usually does, doesn’t it?

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Twenty-fourteen is going to be the year that I find myself. To be truly happy, to enjoy the smallest of things. I don’t want to dwell on the problems and issues of the day. I’m not going to hide things in a little corner under my bed until I burst but I’m done sweating the small stuff. If other people want to lead miserable lives, than so be it.  Let them. I’ve done it long enough and I can tell you that it’s far from anything to be proud of.

I want to dive into the creative crevices of my brain and pull out dusty old junk that’s been laying around. Bring it back to life again. I want to rediscover hobbies and try ones that I’ve been just dreaming about.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to open a box of crazy but I simply am looking to be wholly and contently happy with where I am and what I’ve accomplished.

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For far too long many of us including myself beat ourselves up over the most trivial of things. I struggle with the fact on an often basis that I didn’t go back to school after obtaining my Associates Degree. I also obsess over the very obvious issue visible to the human eye. I’ve let things like this make me unhappy. I let it alter the quality of my life that I’ve been living or lack thereof. I don’t go places because I don’t want people to stare. I limit myself to enjoy concerts or art museums or anything else because of the judgmental whispers.Even though the below things might not be relatable or even connect from dot to dot, they are the beginning of my New Years “Goals.”

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Blog & Write & Write & Blog. Be honest, dive deep, and to not be afraid of anything. Blog every day, any time of the day. Blog about nothing or about everything. Just as long as it’s about something.

Crochet/Sew. This doesn’t need to be considered a thing of the past. Contrary to my first goal, this will help me disconnect which I think we all need to work on before we don’t know how to do anything without a computer of some kind.

Go Places. Get a passport. Travel. Get out of here.  Drive. See new things. It won’t be far and it  might not seem exciting but I’m going to make the most of it.

 Photography. I’d like to think that I can see things that others can’t and I  might just go ahead and continue believing that. Regardless, I’m going to use my eyes and the camera lens to remember the memories that haven’t yet happened.

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Stop And Smell The Hollyhocks. I don’t know about you but every day goes faster and faster than the day before. It might not happen every day or every week but an important goals is to appreciate everything as much as possible and take time to breathe in the air around me. 

And Lastly..For Now..

Decide And Deal With It. I’m going to make decisions I’ve been sitting on for three or more years. I’m going to make them and I’m going to stick to them.

Just like you (I hope), there are so many other things I’d like to accomplish and achieve throughout the year and the rest of my life but those will come.

Today, do something. Do something that makes you happy or proud. Do something that boosts your self-confidence. Do something that makes you feel as intelligent as you know you are. Each and every one of us needs to prove to ourselves that we are awesome before anyone else will believe it.

Here’s to you!

Guess What Day It Is!

Get it? Because it’s hump day and January 1st all rolled into one ridiculous reference to a camel focused insurance commercial. Laugh.

If you think about it, the calendar is a funny thing. An important “thing” but a funny one at that. The calendar defines us as human beings. It determines our age, the day of the week, when we should celebrate, and when we should make goals.

There’s a fuss about this thing called “New Years Resolutions” otherwise known as January 1st. So many of us decide that that’s the day that we’re going to make a change for the better. We’re going to lose weight, stop smoking; heck we might even start being nicer people!

As soon as we disappoint ourselves within hours, days, or if your lucky, weeks, we start over. Again. We always start over, give ourselves a re-do. Before we know it it’s already October and we’ve been “re-doing” for 10 months. I always start over on Sundays. See, the calendar somehow always gets pulled back into the ring.

I don’t think any of us really understand the definition of a resolution. So, since we are lucky enough to live in a world full of Wikipedia inspired statistics and Dictionary.com definitions; I’ll define it for you.

res-o-lu-tion – [rez-uh-loo-shuhn] – noun: 1. A formal expression of opinion or intention made, usually after voting, by a formal organization, a legislature, a club, or other group. 2. A decision or determination; a resolve: to make a firm resolution to do something. 3. The act determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, ect.; the act of resolving. 4. Firmness of purpose; the mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute. 5. The act or process of separating into constituent or elementary parts or resolving.

Or, in other words, figuring it out. Before we go any further, I want to reassure you that this isn’t about the pros and cons of New Years Disappointments. It was simply an observation.

I think it’s inspiring to see people make such resolutions and actually follow through for more than a month. I’ve made resolutions myself and I’m doing it again this year just like the last 20 some and just like the next 70 some years. We’ll never stop making resolutions.

This year though, I want to try something different. I’m going to try and live up to goals rather than resolutions. I’m not sure that I can confidently decide or make a firm resolution to do something. But I can make goals. The way my brain works, if I make a goal; I’m able to reach for it. I can make it half way there and at least say that I attempted to make my goal. When you stop resolutioning (new word, deal with it), you have to say that you broke your resolution. People stop listening when you say “Well, I was doing really good for the first 3 weeks, then I…” They gone. All they really heard was “I’m a statistic, I failed.”

Goals seem to have stories. They have steps, mile markers, gold stars, ect. I personally would like to see someone make a goal to lose 50 pounds and through social media watch them achieve each milestone rather than someone saying my resolution is to lose weight. Okay. Why? How much? By when? What are you going to do to achieve that? Who’s your support system? If you can answer even one of those questions, than you should be making goals not resolutions.

One of my first “goals” that I’ve already 50% completed is to start a new blog. The other 50% obviously won’t be officially complete until December, 31st. (Yet, again with the calendar.)

Over the next couple days I’m going to be tweaking and updating this blog. It’ll include my goals for the year twenty fourteen, what I’m going to do to achieve them, and everything in between. I intend on writing every day no matter the circumstance. You’ll see why down the line but I don’t want you to know too much on day one. That takes away all of the mystery. I could spoil it for you because there isn’t really any mystery to be solved.

Although I’ll probably jump from point A to point B more often than not; the true reason for this blog is to find myself. I need to re-discover my passions and make new ones. I need to jump outside of the box because before I became so introverted, I was much happier with my outlook on life and the future. I want to be able to look in the mirror and see my dreams and aspirations come to life not just be figments of my imagination.

Writing is going to be my platform for figuring it out. I’ll never claim to be a grammatical savant or talented writer although I’d love to believe that but I do want to improve and find my niche both through the keyboard and in real life.

And in case I never acknowledge it from this point forward, thanks. Thanks for following me through my posts, thanks for knowing me before 2014 and after. And most of all, thanks for being the one of probably 3 people that’ll actually take the time to stay updated on this blog.

Cheers to 20-14! 

There are two sides to every story.

There are two sides to every story.