Ours Is Real.

I’ve seen a lot of articles circulating social media the last few months about healthy relationships and facts about “real” couples. It seems to be a bunch of bologna if I’m going to be blunt about it. They are all full of butterflies and fantasies that they claim to last beyond the stage of puppy dog love. If it’s true than shit, I’m in the wrong relationship but it just seems bogus. Other than the random millionaire that can afford a dozen roses 12 times a year, Coach bags, and 5-course dinners spur of the moment, the lust stage, as I call it, eventually fades and real love sets in.

Although I’m no expert on love, relationships, or people in general; that’s where I believe most relationships end. When you start peeling away the mask you’ve put on since day one. The extra makeup, the extensions, the sexy pajamas. All that superficial stuff doesn’t last forever, sorry guys. And ladies, he’s not always going to put the toilet seat down, he’s not going to stay clean shaven every day. Sometimes instead of changing his underwear, he’ll turn them inside out. And if you can’t accept it, than I guess that’s when you start the process all over again.

Our sixth anniversary of “at first sight” dating is soon approaching and I don’t know what to do to celebrate it. Although I’m one of those cliche hopeless romantics and would love a beautiful bouquet of flowers, chocolates, a hotel suite with a hot tub, complementary wine, and heck maybe even a ring..I know it probably won’t happen. He’s a little more laid back (times 30) than that. On a side note because if anyone is reading this some would replace my term of “laid back” with “cheap.” Sure, cheap is a usable word I guess. But flowers do die, keeping the electricity on is more important than a luxury hotel, and have you been in a jewelry store lately? Cha-ching.

So, the last handful of years haven’t been necessarily memorable or anything on the anniversary front. That doesn’t go to say that they weren’t cherished though. Coming up here to our sixth, I’m not sure what to do. I’ve heard that healthy relationships thrive on surprises and excitement. Which we definitely lack but is that such a bad thing? We have full time jobs, bills, responsibilities. Are we in a rut? I wouldn’t call it that. I’d call it life with a partner.

We are at the point (and have been for a few years) where we don’t need to “impress” each other. We don’t need to put on a facade of the “better us” because we accept each other for our faults just as well as we do for the best qualities in our personalities. There’s no reason to it. We’re completely ourselves around one another.

With that being said: How do you make your anniversary any more special than the day before? I’d love to hear some ideas.

Time Does Not Pass, It Continues.

IMG_5033Sitting in the only comfortable chair and table combo in the history of Subway, downtown Grand Forks – I feel like writing. This is the perfect spot to bring a laptop, listen to Americas top 100, smell the fresh aroma that Subway is famous for, and just write. But I have nothing to write about.

I’ve been up to nothing new. Just work and usual day to day stuff. I’m still trying to push myself to the gym. I signed up last week and haven’t set foot inside. I went to the trouble of signing up and buying new gym shoes. I bought another shipment of Shakeology (still unopened) and a good set of vitamins. I’m ready, I’m geared up! Time to tie the shoes and hit the road. So what’s in the way? Me. It’s always me. I hold myself back.

IMG_5026On another more positive front, my brothers graduation cards are now ordered! I wish I could do this stuff for a living. Photography, editing, announcements, ect. Of course I cheated and used Shutterfly for the layout but if I had known how to properly use the correct software, I would have loved to try with an empty sheet and create my own thought up masterpiece.

It’s crazy to think that the youngest in our family of 5 is graduating in 52 short days. What does that even mean?

It means my mom has been done with diapers for nearly 16 years. It means my parents are old enough to be grandparents and everyone is able to drive. It means the art projects are old and tattered. It means the refrigerator picture magnets are full of 90’s hairstyles. My baby brother graduating high school means we’re all adults. It means I’m 24 and that he’s not really a baby anymore. It means another chapter is ending and 30 more are beginning.

“No matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away.” ― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

Its just a day in a month in a year in a decade. It’s a day that not everyone is fortunate enough to get to. It’s a struggle for some and a breeze for others. It’s truly a milestone. I can’t believe the kid who got a grass stain on his white blonde head is the same kid that’s going to be wearing that black square-shaped cap. The kid that broke his arm, had rods jabbed into it, let it heal, and then broke it again. The kid that I can’t stand but love to death. The “baby.” He’s graduating!

I still remember my first day of kindergarten and getting lost on my way, switching school buses. I remember throwing up on a girl named Mary and playing marbles on the track during recess. I remember making tunnels on the snow hills and Hawk Boy in Warroad. I remember getting out of school to sandbag for the flood and being the new kid in Newfolden. I remember it all like it was yesterday. Are we dreaming or does time really fly by that damn fast?

“There are those of us who learn to live completely in the moment. For such people the past vanishes and the future loses meaning. There is only the present, which means that two of the three Aalim¹ are surplus to requirements. And then there are those of us who are trapped in yesterdays, in the memory of a lost love, or a childhood home, or a dreadful crime. And some people live only for a better tomorrow; for them the past ceases to exist” ― Salman Rushdie

I guess I did have something to write about after all.


¹Aalim – u·le·ma or u·la·ma  (o̅o̅′lə-mä′) – pl.n. Ulama, also spelled ulema, refers to the educated class of Muslim legal scholars engaged in the several fields of Islamic studies and Polymath. They are well versed in legal fiqh and are considered the arbiters of sharia law, being Islamic lawyers.