A third stint to Altru in less then a week completed our mellow weekend. I knew everything was going to be okay. After all, he was in good hands. But I couldn’t help having an overwhelming amount of emotions flood through me on more than one occasion. It became real when they poked and prodded. Withdrew vial after vial of blood and hooked him up to the hospital staple – an IV.
Clearly I’m not as strong as I thought I was. It was routine. The doctors have years of experience, don’t they? Hey, they probably do this to everyone complaining of the same symptoms so why did I get the feeling of him dying? Why did I jump to conclusions? Why did I get images of going home alone? I saw myself giving him one last kiss and held on to him tight. I relived the fights and arguments, how pity they were. I imagined going on without moving on. All these stupid irrational fears ran through me so quickly.
Sitting at home now with him sleeping peacefully, better; I know it was silly. I know I internally overracted. Maybe it’s because he’s so solid. He doesn’t ever complain about being sick. He’s as stubborn as they come so when he needs to go to the hospital it’s real. I think back to when my dad had some kind of infection a few years ago or worse, when he was hospitalized for a heart condition when I was little; what did my mom go through? The seriousness of that. The unknown factors and what if thoughts, it had to have been torture.
They never tell us how to be strong. There’s no handbook to get through life. We just have to trust..trust that He’ll never give us more than we can handle.
It’s hard to fathom the amount of inspiring people that this world holds. Although I don’t have a lot of people in my inner circle of life; the people I’ve met along the way are all different kinds of inspirational.
In my journey to adulthood I’ve met people that have had cancer and survived it – multiple times. I know a chick that never let her size prevent her from having the time of her life. I went to college with a girl would one day go on to spread awareness about the victimized within the Catholic church. I know mothers and fathers with beautiful (on the inside and out) children born with disabilities and embraced it. I know LGBT men and women that have stood up to and defended themselves in the presence of bigots. I’m in love with a man that was forced to stay strong through a very painful criminal case. I know a woman that could have easily died while giving childbirth. I know a kid that dropped everything to better his life and succeeded in doing so.
There are so many people that have passed through my life, in what some cases only seemed like a two minute span, but that doesn’t make them any less inspirational. If you demonstrate any quality from strength to power to controlling your own life to never giving up than you too are an inspiration to many. There is no predetermined mold for what will define you in life and there never will be. But if you face your fears and never give up, you’ll form your own mold and path in life in whichever way you choose.
The people that have come and gone in my life continually teach me to be kind and empathetic. They teach me to reach for the unreachable and strive for the best. They show me on a regular basis that they matter and so should I. They prove the discouraging wrong and stand up to what’s right. They hold the key to the many definitions of what I strive to be.
Who inspires you?