The Other Victims

Is it wrong that I feel worse for the Schumacher family then I do for the officer killed in the line of duty and his family? I guess, I don’t mean that I feel worse for but I feel equally as bad for? I don’t think that the officer, his family, department, and community somehow have more grief than the Schumacher’s do.

Don’t get me wrong, the entire situation is heartbreaking and I don’t mean any disrespect by saying that but think about it.. From the little the public knows, the Schumacher family (children and wife) have been victimized for years not just on this one occasion when the police were called. They’d been living with “this” for years. I guarantee you hearts were broken over and over and over for years. This whole thing is just as debilitating for them as it is for anyone else.

The little that we do know is that the shooter has a history of violence and that is only what is public record. Speaking from experiences in and around my life, I can very accurately say that every “instance” is not reported to the officials. If it would have been, this situation may have turned out totally differently but that doesn’t mean that someone’s life wouldn’t have been lost. Maybe not last week but maybe it would have been years prior after a few stints in jail and a few more reasons to be angry at the world.

I don’t know what stirred up the events that happened that night and I doubt anyone really will but I’ve been thinking a lot about the family that he left behind. I couldn’t imagine the mix of emotions that they’re facing. Not only did they lose someone that they probably loved beyond words but they are also going to have people looking at them for as long as they reside in this community.

Just because someone is a bad person or does a bad thing or makes a bad choice or kills an officer does NOT mean that the family and loved ones are the same as that person. Often the opposite is true. It is nearly impossible to help someone that doesn’t want to be helped. And sometimes it’s just as confusing for the loved ones as it is for the person themselves. Some days, weeks, months are great and then some days, weeks, months are horrible. It’s a teeter totter of emotion time and time again.

I’m very relieved to hear that there seems to be more positive community response then negative towards the family of the the deceased. I think that there is some kind of looming black hole for people to open their eyes wider than just the police officer that died rather than the whole picture. Officer Moszer wasn’t the only victim that night.

There have been a handful of funds and donations areas set up for the Schumacher family. For an updated news article and information on donating to the Schumacher family, click here.

I want to mention for anyone reading this, I don’t know the family and I don’t even know what happened that night but neither do you. He may have been ill, he may not have been. He may have had a bad day at work or he may have almost gotten hit by oncoming traffic. Anything can set a person off and events can escalate quicker than we are capable of figuring out a resolution.

Prayers and healing thoughts sent to both the Schumacher and Moszer families.

Sulfamethoxazole.

A third stint to Altru in less then a week completed our mellow weekend. I knew everything was going to be okay. After all, he was in good hands. But I couldn’t help having an overwhelming amount of emotions flood through me on more than one occasion. It became real when they poked and prodded. Withdrew vial after vial of blood and hooked him up to the hospital staple – an IV.

Clearly I’m not as strong as I thought I was. It was routine. The doctors have years of experience, don’t they? Hey, they probably do this to everyone complaining of the same symptoms so why did I get the feeling of him dying? Why did I jump to conclusions? Why did I get images of going home alone? I saw myself giving him one last kiss and held on to him tight. I relived the fights and arguments, how pity they were. I imagined going on without moving on. All these stupid irrational fears ran through me so quickly.

Sitting at home now with him sleeping peacefully, better; I know it was silly. I know I internally overracted. Maybe it’s because he’s so solid. He doesn’t ever complain about being sick. He’s as stubborn as they come so when he needs to go to the hospital it’s real. I think back to when my dad had some kind of infection a few years ago or worse, when he was hospitalized for a heart condition when I was little; what did my mom go through? The seriousness of that. The unknown factors and what if thoughts, it had to have been torture.

IMG_5144 They never tell us how to be strong. There’s no handbook to get through life. We just have to trust..trust that He’ll never give us more than we can handle.

Pay It Forward.

I made flyers to hang up around our office today for one of my co-workers. She’s only been here a short time but being a pod-mate with her makes getting to know each other very easy and worth while.

I won’t be posting the finished flyer as it is strictly work related but it was very full-filling to be able to actually help and be a part of something bigger than myself.

Her husband has been going through medical issues recently and to help offset some of the travel expenses we are putting on a benefit for her and her family. Even though I didn’t play a large role in the planning of the event itself, being able to contribute in any way really helped me to ground myself and put certain parts of my life that I may take for granted into a different perspective.

May we all be blessed with good health and happiness; here’s to you!

If you would like to find out how you can contribute to this family, please contact me via my “Contact Info” page.